The Ugly Truth

27 Sep

I recently overheard a woman telling another woman that she had lost a lot of weight by eliminating gluten from her diet. I am skeptical about such claims and I wanted to set the record straight. Also I am jealous and annoyed by people who lose weight easily by eliminating anything. And it appears that I have become the kind of person who enjoys bursting people’s bubbles. That’s what celiac disease has done to me. So here it is, the ugly truth: The gluten-free diet that people lose weight on is simply a no or low carb diet. I know I’ve said this before but it’s worth repeating. To illustrate my point I present you with two meal plans. The first plan is for someone (me) who can never again eat gluten anything, ever; the second is for someone (not me) who wants to lose weight, and be cool ( gluten-free is a lot hipper than weight watchers).

my gluten-free diet plan:

The basis of my plan is this flourless chocolate cake. I made enough so that I could incorporate it into my meals during the week.

Breakfast: 2 pieces of flourless chocolate cake and on cup of strong black tea with lots of milk and honey

Lunch: 1 piece of flourless chocolate  cake and a V-8 juice

Dinner:  hashbrowns and a half a bottle of white wine (because it was the only GF thing around) and for dessert, you guessed it, flourless chocolate cake

Bed time snack: flourless chocolate cake

Someone else’s gluten-free diet plan:

The basis of this plan is eliminating all carbohydrates.

Breakfast: fruit and yogurt, instead of the usual bagel with cream cheese.

Lunch: A gigantic salad, instead of the usual Panini

Dinner: Chicken, asparagus and greens with lemon water, instead of the usual large pepperoni pizza

Dessert: ice chips

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2 Responses to “The Ugly Truth”

  1. swoondesign September 28, 2012 at 2:34 am #

    Sarah, how do you know so much about what I do secretly in my house in the morning, when no one is supposed to be watching? In addition to flourless chocolate cake for breakfast, I also enjoy just plain chocolate candy, chocolate macaroons, marshmallows, whipped cream on hot chocolate, GF oatmeal with golden raisins, dried cranberries, a 1/4 cup of brown sugar (just being honest here) and half & half poured liberally on top. Or, to riff on the “low carb” breakfast mentioned above, whole fat Greek yoghurt with raspberries, nuts and a pitcher-full of clover honey.

    It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning and gear up for an entire day of no bread and no cookies. We celiac princesses have to do something to put a smile on our GF faces. Sometimes that something is a pound of Nutella.

  2. Katy April 30, 2013 at 12:10 am #

    Girl. Not minutes ago I decided I was going to subsist, until further notice, on diet pills and white wine. Just told my husband (who was on his way to the grocery store) that he didn’t need to get me food because I’m not eating anymore. Because god-damn gluten free eating makes me wanna punch-a-bitch. I go for a couple months and I’m okay. Then I end up in the “wine and pillz” zone again. Then I find this here blog where you’ve apparently posted my ideal meal plan and I knew I was not alone. Feeling a little more optimistic, I might go back to the Kimchi and ice cream diet. Or the pound of Nutella diet. Next bitch that tells me she’s trying out a gluten-free diet for fun or sends me a recipe for shit I don’t have time to prepare gets a BLAMMO!

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